Thanksgiving is just around the corner, and for many of us, that means spending a few days with family — the people who know us best and somehow still manage to surprise us. If you’re a cannabis user heading home for the holiday, you might be wondering: Is it finally time to tell them?
For some of us, weed is a necessity around family. And unfortunately, that can complicate things if your family doesn’t know that you smoke weed or even use cannabis.
While family dynamics can be complicated under the best of circumstances, with the growing legalization of weed, the acceptance of it has also grown. That means there are effective ways to approach sharing your love for the plant with your loved ones.
Should you even tell them?
Before you spend the rest of your time stressing out instead of enjoying the holiday season, ask yourself if you really need to tell your family about your cannabis use. Sometimes having the talk can be beneficial, but not always.
Consider your motivation for discussing the issue
When the need for a conversation with your family feels urgent, it’s typically to avoid potential awkwardness or tension when spending time together. Sometimes, the pressure of socializing can make it feel isolating to have to hide or avoid people when you use cannabis. Getting on the same page with them can help reduce any discomfort, especially if you plan to smoke weed during Thanksgiving weekend or want to enjoy cannabis with family.
In other cases, it may upset some family members.
Decide whether potentially upsetting a couple of family members is worth the benefit of the family knowing the truth.
Of course, there are always reasons why it might be better to avoid the conversation altogether. Consider the potential outcomes of letting your family know — you don’t want to wind up cut off (whether financially or through estrangement) or harassed for your cannabis use..
Remember, there’s no obligation to discuss your cannabis use.
Regardless of your situation, it’s important to remember that you have no obligation to discuss legal cannabis use with anyone. Even at the dispensary where you pick up. If you aren’t comfortable taking the plunge or aren’t sure that your family is ready, that’s okay. There’s always another time, and if the need never arises, it may not be necessary.
Read the room: Is your family ready for the talk?
Image lightbox
You may be ready to launch into an explanation, but the timing isn’t always right. Whether it’s time for turkey or you’re enjoying a few post-meal drinks, it’s important to assess the atmosphere and everyone’s moods to make sure that you choose the right moment to broach the subject.
Check the vibes
The most important way to determine whether it’s a good time to tell your family you use cannabis is by simple observation. Getting a sense of everyone’s mood may help provide clues for when the right moment comes around, but you can also be more technical about your vibe-check:
- Do you live in a state with legal cannabis?
- Do you know a little about how your family interacts with the media?
- How have their other attitudes toward cannabis evolved over time?
- Does anyone else in the family smoke?
Taking your family’s view on alcohol into account can also be a helpful way to anticipate controversy and craft your argument accordingly.
Green flags to watch out for
Fortunately, there are some key indicators to look out for if you want a clear sign that your family might not be upset by the news. The odds may be in your favor if they:
- Mention being curious about or having already tried CBD products
- Tend to be critical of the pharmaceutical industry or over-medication
- Live in a state with legalized medical or recreational cannabis
- Speak positively about efforts to decriminalize or legalize the plant.
Red flags to watch out for
You might be better off not having the conversation if they:
- Take a hard stance against drugs in general
- Have conflicting religious viewpoints about consumption
- Feel that drugs are a moral wrong despite legalization in their state
- Previously expressed harsh judgments on related topics
How to tell them
Now that you’ve decided to tell your family about your cannabis use, it’s time to set the scene and plan your delivery.
Consider how you time things
For this kind of discussion, a little discretion usually goes a long way. We advise against having the conversation during Thanksgiving dinner, as this is already a complex situation with many people and passions at play. Try to find a quiet moment near the beginning of your visit and consider not smoking beforehand.
Frame the conversation effectively
To keep things calm and everyone receptive, it’s also a good idea to avoid coming across as defensive. Use a gentle lead to help set a positive tone for the conversation. Medical users can talk about their diagnosis and needs, while recreational smokers might benefit from comparisons to other socially acceptable activities, like coffee and alcohol. Emphasize that all of these are substances that can be used responsibly.
Some ways to start the conversation
Maintaining a positive and upbeat tone in the interaction is crucial to achieving a successful outcome. Here are a few good examples of how to get the conversation rolling in a calm and reassuring way:
- “I want to be honest and let you guys know about something important…”
- “There’s something I’ve been giving a lot of thought to and really want to share…”
- “I’m excited to be together, and there’s something I would like to share…”
Stay calm, share that you’ve given the issue a lot of thought, and let everyone know that you appreciate their respect in hearing you out.
What not to say
There are lots of common cliches and snap responses that can reduce your credibility in a conversation about cannabis.
- Dismissive comments like “everyone does it”
- Oversimplifications like “it’s just a plant”
- Defensive comparisons like “it’s healthier than alcohol”
- Condescending comments like “you just don’t understand”
- Tirades about legalization or medical benefits
Different approaches for different family dynamics
Image lightbox
There’s no one-size-fits-all when it comes to discussing marijuana with family. Even the research into how families talk about marijuana is minimal. Different dynamics require different approaches — some relationships and attitudes may require a special approach.
Families that oppose cannabis for religious or moral reasons
For families rooted in a more conservative or religious background, patience and discretion are often your most useful tools. It can help to manage your expectations and be prepared for a longer process, especially if you encounter red flags or resistance as you try to gather more information. Keep your focus on responsibility or legality, and be prepared to agree to disagree.
Handling parents and siblings vs. extended family
In most situations, parents feel the most responsibility for us and are the biggest hurdle if you want to be upfront about your lifestyle. Siblings can be more casual and accepting, though this isn’t always the case. Your extended family may not even need to be factored into your conversation, especially if you’re already unsure how your immediate family stands on the issue.
If you have a strong financial connection to family
Although authenticity and honesty are valuable qualities, it’s essential for those with strong financial ties to their family to weigh the pros and cons of being transparent. Is authenticity in this case worth the risk of losing your financial stability? If not, it may be a better conversation for those who are financially independent.
If they already know (or suspect)
If your family already knows or tries to bring it up with you on their own, it will probably be easy to gauge their reaction based on their tone. In many cases, this is easier than a formal announcement and helps emphasize from the get-go that open communication is the priority over practical concerns. Be honest, but set clear boundaries to avoid misunderstandings.
What to do if it doesn’t go well
Control your immediate response
Staying calm and avoiding defensiveness are some of the best ways to avoid and de-escalate conflict if things go awry. The longer you can stay calm and engaged, the better your chances are of salvaging a positive outcome. Don’t press for a total resolution to any issues that arise or argue over details. With time and patience, you can always try to set the bar higher next time.
Set clear boundaries
Emphasizing your independence and autonomy is important. After all, an increasing consensus agrees that it’s your right and your choice to consume cannabis in a responsible fashion. If your parents won’t budge, give them time to process and gently bring the issue up again. Patience is important, but sometimes persistence is equally important.
The worst-case scenario
Losing your connection to a close family member, being kicked out of your home, or losing financial support are all possibilities. It’s hard to cope with rejection from family, but asserting your independence is always easier with a support group. If you’re anxious about how things may go, let your friends know what you’re up to so they can share their experiences and be available for support if things don’t immediately go the way you hope.
How to move forward
Rinse and repeat. In short, stay patient and stay open to future opportunities that you may have to deepen your conversation about cannabis with your parents, close family, or beyond. Staying informed and active in your community is one of the best ways to do so, allowing you to bring as much positive feedback as possible to the table next time.
Bottom line
Ultimately, cannabis use is your choice, and the same goes for telling your family about it. Whether it’s Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, or your birthday, sharing that you use cannabis with your family can complicate the festivities.
Remember to stay calm, make a plan, hold your boundaries, be patient, and give your family time to process.
At the end of the day, the families that grow closer aren’t the ones who never disagree — they’re the ones who choose honesty over comfort, even when it’s hard. Your cannabis use might not be what they expected to hear, but your courage to share it shows respect for the relationship. And that respect, returned, can transform a potentially divisive topic into a bridge. Who knows? A year from now, you might find yourself on a Thanksgiving walk with your entire family.
