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Well it’s the last show here we are Los Angeles the world capital of rape and Dick Brown the [ย __ย ] has been going on out here he’s gonna work well just what you think can’t get worse they got Charlie Rose today it’s gonna be quiet morning on the news tomorrow Charlie Rose looking kangaroo

Every body is raping like hotcakes I for one was starting to get worried you know I’ve been in Show Business 30 years I had no idea how much danger I was in that’s really some scary [ย __ย ] I gotta tell you Harvey Weinstein is probably the first person that I ever

Looked at a photograph of him was like yeah he rapes I’m not sure this [ย __ย ] has a choice not a handsome man a lot of meat and extra skin on his face yeah he’s ugly you know the sad part is he’s done so well in life he probably doesn’t know he’s ugly

You know when you’re good looking everybody will tell you oh you look wonderful he’s so great looking when you’re ugly you gotta figure that [ย __ย ] out for yourself it’s a lot of putting Clues together through his why am I not getting in the club I got all the right [ย __ย ]

Because it was Brad Pitt doing that [ย __ย ] he wouldn’t hurt the people the girl just come back down like I got the part [Applause] yeah and yet it is important that I acknowledge ladies you are absolutely right there you go they got all be mindful of that guys because uh

It’s going to happen to any of us it happened to me I can see that I see myself showing up I am here for my 3am with Mr Weinstein hey Harvey I got your text I’m here to talk about the script seems like it’s gonna be hard to read

And Candlelight but I guess I could try like a [ย __ย ] nightmare could you imagine that [ย __ย ] did you manage using a business meeting and a [ย __ย ] pulled their dick out in the middle of the meet I’ll be like yo yo my man is the most unprofessional

[ย __ย ] I’ve ever seen in all my days just let me finish Dave Chappelle I’ll put you in all three Lord of the Rings [Applause] hurry up [ย __ย ] I have other meetings now I have a 4 30 a.m in Brett ratner’s house I believe it’s wardrobe fitting accidentally wow

I mean it is really bad out here isn’t it Kevin Spacey’s out here grabbing Men by the [ย __ย ] possible you got the guy from Star Trek the Next Generation that’s the uh that’s what we got last time we sound like he was more than that but that’s that’s who’s Set It Off

He’s 14 years old and Kevin Spacey costume at a party which I gotta say by the way for the record been to a lot of parties in my day never been to a good one that had 14 year old boys in it not even when I was 13. you know what I mean

Who was the kicker with a bunch of Hubba Bubba chewing [ย __ย ] like having a good time Yeah ironically kid grew up to be gay anyway which means getting space he can sniff that [ย __ย ] out like a truffle pig yeah he’s one of me and not the victim blame but it seems like the kind of situation that the gay 14 year old would get himself into

Say that right but it’s true [ย __ย ] like you know I say that though because I went to an Arts High School and like all them [ย __ย ] was gay man like in high school oh them dudes was gay and them gay dudes is way more mature than the

Rest of us and we didn’t know why we just knew they was mature you ever see gay dude at lunch perfect posture I think even responsible I’m gonna take that thermos down he’d be like what the [ย __ย ] is that it’s a snake of drinking wine with lunch we didn’t know what it was

Because we were young boys we just trying to figure out who we were and we didn’t realize these gay dudes was fighting to be who they knew they already were some impressive [ย __ย ] they were Fearless to gay kids [ย __ย ] Fearless I’ve never seen a scared gay dude in my life what

Kind of man has no fear you’ll be tied up in a hostage situation with a gay dude the [ย __ย ] will still be like I’m thirsty I’m thirsty David I need something to drink well then shoot me I would rather die of a bullet than dehydration [ย __ย ] I am thirsty I need some water

It’s all jokes aside Kevin Spacey shouldn’t done that [ย __ย ] today again he’s 14 years old and was forced to carry a grown man’s Secret for 30 years Jesus Christ he must have been busting at the scenes with him the saddest part is if you were able to

Carry that secret for six more months I would get to know how House of Cards ends [Applause] yeah ladies and gentlemen these are dark Dark Times New York Times said uh the Louis CK [ย __ย ] on his own stomach now I’ve busted a lot of nuts in my day none of them were newsworthy

She was really gross because they didn’t just say like I said it didn’t just say Chisholm something they said it in that [ย __ย ] Pulitzer prize-winning style that the New York Times has was very descriptive like you know what I mean Louis C days Siemens shout out like a volcano misogyny

Slowly drizzling down like lava covering his freckled penis as it slowly dripped to a fiery crown of red hair Jesus Christ I’m trying to eat some labels rancheros you know the tough part being a comedian knowing the [ย __ย ] everybody comes up to me like did you know did you

Know what Louis was doing no [ย __ย ] I did not know [ย __ย ] you think we talk about at the comedy club hey [ย __ย ] how was the weekend great man I’m just jerking off in faces and coming on my own stomach having a good time you know how this business is no I didn’t know

They act like we sit around like Greece tell me more tell me more they think put up a fight sorry I don’t know the choreography but you get the point you get the point she was intense but Louis is like the turning point I mean you know I all these allegations

Are terrible Louise was the only I shouldn’t say this but [ย __ย ] it he’s his allegation was the only one that made me like laugh s with all his friends reading it and he’s jerking off and he’s surprising people he surprised me that’s pretty all the comics and comedy just reading like what

It’s terrible I know this is terrible I’m sorry ladies you’re right you are right but at the same time I mean you know what I mean I don’t know Jesus Christ they took everything from Louis it was like and it might be disproportionate I can’t tell

I can’t tell this is like where it’s hard to be a man one lady said Louis CK masturbating in front of me ruined my comedy dreams word well then I dare say madam you may have never had a dream come on man that’s a brittle spirit that is a brittle-ass spirit [ย __ย ] that

[ย __ย ] is too much it’s grown-ass woman you know what this [ย __ย ] is like it’s like cointel Pro you know what that is it’s a program that the FBI had on the jail Hoover in this program one of the many things they did was they would track the sexual habits of anyone they

Considered an Enemy of the State it was a lit button that’s why they got all these [ย __ย ] sex tapes with Martin Luther King [ย __ย ] [ย __ย ] but lucky for us he actually had a drink [Applause] do you think if Louis CK jerk off in front of the doctor can you be like I

Can’t continue this movement I’m sorry but the freedom of black people must be stopped I didn’t know this [ย __ย ] was gonna pull this dick out and jerk off like this I just thought we were gonna get a couple of drinks and chill business is just harder than that the

Women sound like I hate to say y’all it’s sound weak I know it sounds [ย __ย ] up I’m not supposed to say that but one of these ladies was like let me see Kate was masturbating while I was on the phone with him [ย __ย ] you don’t know how to hang up a phone

How the [ย __ย ] are you going to survive in Show Business if this is an actual obstacle to your dreams I know Louie is wrong ma’am I’m just saying I’m held to a higher standard of accountability than these women are don’t forget who I am don’t forget what I am I

I’m a black dude and don’t ever forget how I got here my ancestors were kidnapped I don’t even know where the [ย __ย ] I’m from they were put on the bottom boats they sell them across the Atlantic many of them died Only the strongest survived and once they got here they beat the

Humanity out of my people they turned us into Beast of burdens they made us do their work and the irony is hundreds of years later they called us lazy we’ve fought in Civil War we damn near freed ourselves then in reconstruction black people did great my great grandfather was a very wealthy man

But then the Black Codes came Jim Crow came it was a hundred years of unspeakable oppression again lynchings all kinds of terroristic acts to keep us in the margins of society yeah we still fought and Dr Kings Born and then things got better 20 years after Dr King was assassinated

Michael Jackson was Moon walking on television something something Barack Obama [Laughter] Donald Trump and here we all are 400 year nightmare took us 400 years to figure out as a people that white people’s weakness the whole time was kneeling during the national anthem that’s a brittle spirit

That’s right [ย __ย ] on the Rock it’s regular ah I’m doing [ย __ย ] the vice president of the United States got involved Mike Pence got involved he went to the game himself these [ย __ย ] will have to stand when they send me foreign football players looked up in the stands

And saw Mike princesses come on y’all Foiled brittle spirit I kill every white person in America at one time you know how to do it I would just wait for the Super Bowl right when they sing the national anthem I’d have O.J Simpson walk to the 50-yard line with them bad knees I know what he’s gonna do stop him

Oh you got a man the [ย __ย ] up yo I don’t mean to be disrespectful because man I know you’re upset what I said but you know I know you I know you’re right but come on baby it’s me I was right once remember that anybody remember when I was like missing

From show business for 12 years remember when I had like this really popular show when I quit I remember I walked away from 50 million dollars a lot harder than walking away from Louie’s Freckle dick [Applause] I didn’t know that I’d ever work again here I am tonight did my dream die no

I remember that [ย __ย ] you don’t remember that when I put my shirt when I went on the way out the door I said something’s wrong in Hollywood I believe they said I smoked crack that’s what I remember they called me crazy so really you know you’re right ladies congratulations enjoy it and

They’re coming for you [ย __ย ] they come if we one person that’s uncomfortable you know who’s the most uncomfortable [ย __ย ] in the room the [ย __ย ] that’s right I was right at an orgy once nobody [ย __ย ] me Let’s just walk around like Tom Cruise and then Lewis looking [Laughter] and ruin the whole orgy by accident it’s easier to ruin an orgy than you think all you got to do is wait for it to get kind of quiet and then go ew and I feel bad but I just feel like

This is all happening for a reason and ladies I want you to win this fight ten years ago I might have been scared but you know I got a daughter now so if you win she wins so I’m rooting for you and I agree with you at least ideologically I do

I don’t know if the I don’t know if you’re doing it just right but I mean who am I to say I don’t think you’re wrong I just think that you can’t make a lasting peace this way you got all the bad guys scared and that’s good but the minute they’re not scared

Anymore it will get worse than it was before fear does not make lasting peace that’s black people and that’s what it is what this city really needs uh without irony I’ll say this the kill for La is in South Africa you [ย __ย ] need Truth and Reconciliation with one another

Because the end of Apartheid should have been a [ย __ย ] bloodbath by any metric in human history and it wasn’t and the only reason it wasn’t is because Desmond Tutu and Mandela and all these guys figured out that if a system is corrupt then the people who adhere to the system

And are incentivized by that system are not criminals they are victims and that the system itself must be tried but because the house systems work is so compartmentalized as far as information the only way we can figure out what the system is is if everybody says what they did

Tell them how you participated because men want to help they’re just scared because Ben Affleck tried to help hey what happened to these ladies is disgusting oh [ย __ย ] you grabbed a Teddy in 95. all right fellas I’m out [ย __ย ] that I ain’t helping I just want to help

I want to be a good guy like I can’t even say the word me too anymore [ย __ย ] tonight was like Dave I’m going to the comedy club I was like I am also going to the concert and I didn’t even know what was happening but I guess I became like a

Feminist in the last three weeks because I can’t watch porn the same like I watch it sometimes but I can’t I can’t click on these [ย __ย ] thumbnails not with those titles guy crams young girl in the ass with hard right other than I can’t click on that

Come on [ย __ย ] give me something I can click on dudes get sucked off by a [ย __ย ] little person I say to myself it takes me hours to find one clip what the hell is this marginally groomed feminists enjoys consensual sex vaguely homosexual guy with penis the same color as men click

You notice a lot of black dudes haven’t been getting me too I don’t drinks myself you know why though obviously black women go through the same thing right the reason is because black women from slavery won’t tell on us because they know and no matter how bad

We black dudes are like those are very mean scared to see us get punished my wife is Asian she telling me in a goddamn second ain’t no [ย __ย ] up in the Chappelle house and the wildest [ย __ย ] about it is I live in Trump country I live amongst the

Ticket torch whites poor white people and I’m rich it was never Pitchfork time [ย __ย ] I’m in a lot of trouble and nobody else my family believes me I’ve been trying to tell the kids man we’re gonna run these drills they’re like we don’t want to run in your stupid drills

Too bad son you have to digital torch whites come upside what are you guys supposed to do come on there what are you guys supposed to do squint our eyes and stand next to Mom that’s right [Applause] and what are you gonna bring me your gun and your groundskeeper uniform that’s right

I’ll go outside and see what they want it is wild bro where you from man um leaving he’s from Manhattan you are from Brooklyn aren’t you you look like you can rob somebody with a hammer Brooklyn [ย __ย ] Robbie was [ย __ย ] they find around the house I’m [ย __ย ] around

Yeah man well you ladies are right be honest with you your lives look terrifying to me they do man I know nothing about being a woman but I know fear yo I used to live in New York when I was 17. and I couldn’t even pay my bills you know what

I didn’t make money I used to do shows for drug dealers that wanted to clean their money up one time I did a real good set and these [ย __ย ] called me in the back room they gave me 25 000 in cash it’s probably 18 19 years old

I’m scared I thank them profusely I put that money in my backpack I jumped on subway and started heading towards Brooklyn at one o’clock in the morning never been that terrified of my life is that never my life had something that somebody else would want I thought to myself Jesus Christ if

[ย __ย ] knew how much money I had in this backpack they’d kill me for it and then I thought holy [ย __ย ] what if I had a [ย __ย ] on me all the time that’s what women are dealing with let me tell you right now it’s a real talk

With them same drug dealers gave me a [ย __ย ] and said put this in your backpack and take it to Brooklyn that’d be like [ย __ย ] I can’t accept this okay I empathize man you know everybody gets mad because I say these jokes but she understand it this is the best time to say them

More now than ever I know there’s some comedians in the back [ย __ย ] you have a responsibility to speak recklessly otherwise my kids may never know what Reckless talk sounds like the joys of being wrong I didn’t come here to be right just came here to [ย __ย ] around

It’s hot in here suddenly isn’t it I wonder where that heat came from um I wonder what happened to me where did I go for 12 years if I wasn’t raped you know maybe there’s something else going on maybe these rapes aren’t even the worst of it wouldn’t that be something

Wouldn’t that be something you can go ahead and go to the bathroom Brooklyn you don’t need to hear this [ย __ย ] you see that [ย __ย ] right there he’s on an enormous amount of pressure he is just being big and black with that hair dude [ย __ย ] [ย __ย ] suspect for everything it’s that white collar crime Sometimes I wouldn’t talk about where I went but y’all don’t even want to know I was gone for a long time I was in the upside down scary being a white dude now isn’t it a little bit no well you’re not gonna give me two but you know what I mean

It’s funny for black dudes to see why people go through this because this is how it always is for us all my heroes is either murdered by the government or registered sex offenders sad I know man but we’ve already been through it like Michael Jackson Remember When they said

All that [ย __ย ] about Michael Jackson they never proved anything to those dying day but they said that he did some very heinous things and one time I watched a documentary about it they were talking about all this [ย __ย ] Michael Jackson allegedly did and as they were saying all these

Allegations he started showing pictures of his home the Neverland Ranch you ever seen Michael Jackson’s house on television well the short of it is there’s a lot of things for kids to do with that place and I saw the whole thing exotic animals and Ferris wheels and merry-go-rounds

And [ย __ย ] and the more they showed it the more certain I was that I don’t think Michael Jackson did any of those things they said he did house didn’t look sexual it looked like he was flossing on those [ย __ย ] didn’t look like he was trying to [ย __ย ]

Kids it looked like he’s just trying to impress him like this nigga’s Jay-Z for kids when he was walking through his house this is my cotton candy machine it makes three tons of cotton candy a day you know all the cotton candy you want this closet is filled with nothing but

Custom-made karate slippers Isn’t that cool yeah I have my monkey bringing some cupcakes hey guys let’s watch a movie what movie do you want to see Home Alone Oh No No don’t touch the DVD player what color car comes here he can act it out act out home alone for my guests

And the kids was like man you are all right mister this is fantastic man we had you all wrong all around what I don’t understand what do you mean huh oh well you know man we thought it was going to be the usually you can have us come over and

Give some wine cooler you know psychiatics keep by trying to suck your dick [ย __ย ] I was trying to show you a better life bubbles get these kids the [ย __ย ] out of my house just like everyone else Hollywood is no place for moral absolutism you know what I mean we must never forget

Our Kelly peed on a 15 year old girl and he also wrote I believe I can fly same guy same lifetime if I showed you that video of him peeing on that girl and scored it I Believe I Can Fly he’d be torn I used to think that I could not

Go on you would know how to feel if I can see it it’s okay my career ended many years ago foreign ER no I’m terrible I’m terrible I’m sorry everybody I’m sorry you wanna know what happened to me this is tempting but I don’t want to talk about it maybe at the end

When I run out of things to talk about oh [ย __ย ] I’m almost there I’m just trying to tell you what happened to me it was not it I just didn’t have a good go of it I don’t know what you guys think happens when you quit a successful show like this I’ll

Tell you what doesn’t happen they don’t go hey well good luck with your future endeavors yeah that’s not what happens it was cold out there for real I had to watch it all go down without me I had to watch all those people do my show Key and Peele and name

Them and see well I’m not gonna say they were doing my show I’m just saying they were awfully similar I was mad and people would come up to me on the street and be like yo [ย __ย ] every once in a while most people thought it’s crazy but sometimes people come and go

[ย __ย ] you did the right thing man you my hero [ย __ย ] I don’t want to be on here I want to be rich never choose to be a hero because Heroes die in uncomfortable deaths all I wanted to be was Paul Revere I just needed one heroic moment you understand

It was only one night and then 40 Years of him being like hey y’all remember that time everybody was asleep and I was up and the British was coming boy it’s a good thing I was awake [ย __ย ] everybody be there that’s why I wanted to start a GoFundMe for Colin Kaepernick

I do man I’m fascinated with them I want to make sure he never has to play football again he can’t if he wants to I just don’t want them to have to because why the [ย __ย ] not always rich and people would be like I’m not giving a GoFundMe to a rich dude but

You should you should because that motherfucker’s life was going great he’s so light-skinned he didn’t have to save his black and yet he took a knee during that anthem for us thought about us when things were going good when his belly was full when he was he didn’t think

About his livelihood or any of that and they took his livelihood away from him like man that shouldn’t be the way it is every [ย __ย ] person that takes a stand for somebody else always gets beat down and we watch it over and over and over again we watch it but we should pay

Those [ย __ย ] for throwing a whistle because they make our lives better and we could change the narrative we could make one [ย __ย ] have a good outcome for doing the right thing and that would make another [ย __ย ] be brave enough to do the right thing and if you did that the [ย __ย ] like

Harvey Weinstein went right for 40 years because Vision was a stupid ass part should take care of each other wouldn’t it be nice to be like remember that time he’s gonna kill Jesus but then he got all that money [Laughter] oh Real Talk man it’s not a racial thing it’s about us

Making our society better it’s about like even these women that are coming forward and they will say they’re Brave and many of them are and a few of them a few of them sucked the dick and got buyers remorse foreign from this narrative this would have gone

This far some women weren’t willing to do it you can’t ask every woman to help hold the line some women can carry things heavier than others so we should fight for one another we should forgive the ones of us that are weaker and support the ones with us

That are stronger and then we can beat the thing you guys keep going after individuals the system is going to stay intact you have to have men on your side and I’m telling you right now you’re gonna have a lot of imperfect outlies I’ll tell you what happened but I can’t

Say it directly there’s a book to me that encapsulates my entire experience before I left the show and the book is called pimp it’s written by a guy named Iceberg Slim yeah bring it up here this is Matthew was from France it’s white and yet he has an original copy of this book

Written by a black American who was a pimp in the 40s Iceberg Slim his real name was Robert Beck the guy the name Iceberg because he was in a bar in Chicago when there was a shootout in the bar and a bullet went to this nigga’s hat and he still finished his dream

Pimps love [ย __ย ] like that they said man you ice cold he said I like that and it’s stuck this book is so heavy in the front it has a glossary of damp terms because the ideas are so foreign to the American ears for instance do you know what the phrase mileage on a

Hoe means of course you don’t mind Jonah ho was a very wild concept it means that pimps understand there’s a finite amount of bad [ย __ย ] A person can do before they’ll lose their [ย __ย ] mind and a good pimp can look at a woman that he’s never seen before and call it

She’s good for 500 [ย __ย ] that’s her mileage anything over that that [ย __ย ] is going to spill they do it to you why the [ย __ย ] you think most of us work from nine to five it’s nine to six my killer [ย __ย ] Iceberg Slim was the one that broke down

Where the bottom [ย __ย ] was does anyone know where the bottom [ย __ย ] is anyway what’s the bottom [ย __ย ] sir it’s your uh it’s your prostitute that’s the best out of all of them that brings in the bus money that’s right that’s exactly right are you black that’s right the bottom [ย __ย ] are

Pimp’s number one hoe she’s even a [ย __ย ] that helps him keep the other [ย __ย ] in line I will repeat she’s even a [ย __ย ] that helps him keep the other [ย __ย ] in line for pimp was McDonald’s and the bottom [ย __ย ] is french fries hahaha the rest of the [ย __ย ] like fish

Sandwiches and cherry pies and [ย __ย ] like that Iceberg Slim breaks down some of the coldest capitalist Concepts I’ve ever heard in my life he describes in detail how these men break women so that they will give them the money that they make with their own bodies there’s a story in here so cold

It makes me shudder to think about it well Iceberg Slim is trying to control the woman that he finds uncontrollable so he asks older people how he can Reign her in and the older pimp says oh that’s easy iceberg all you have to do is beat that [ย __ย ] with a coat hanger

And then run her a bath and give her some pills she’ll be so grateful that you fixed her that she’ll forget you were the [ย __ย ] that beat her in the first place that’s some cold [ย __ย ] now the End of This Book Iceberg Slim tells a story

It’s kind of the crescendo of the book and in the story Iceberg Slim’s bottom [ย __ย ] is at the end of a mileage if she was good for 500 bucks she was at 498. she was bubbling you could see it she was going crazy she started saying all

Kinds of [ย __ย ] oh I always wanted to be in Circus circuses [ย __ย ] I can juggle too you know juggle he had to let it go it’s hard to let it go a bottom [ย __ย ] go and he wasn’t ready to let it go because his organization couldn’t handle losing

Her but she didn’t know that she didn’t know how important she was so what he did was he called her to Edina he said look [ย __ย ] you and I got to part ways she said fine [ย __ย ] I don’t need you anyway because I know somebody at Ringling Brothers she’s like all right whatever

I got one last trick for you it’s a big money trick you do this for me you get paid I get paid and we go our separate ways she said fine [ย __ย ] what do you want me to do he said okay there’s a guy in that hotel

Across the street he’s waiting for you in room number seven once you go over there and I want you to [ย __ย ] them but before you do I need to put some of this stuff in this drink and then he’s gonna fall asleep but he does there’s a briefcase in his bed

Bring the briefcase to me that’s the trick [ย __ย ] can you handle it she said [ย __ย ] I can handle it I can’t wait to get rid of you she ran outside jumped on a unicycle pedal across the street laughs an iceberg washer he’s like man she’s pretty good

Man if I never jerked off in the face maybe she would have been in the circus right now and she runs up to motel steps and she disappears in the room number seven she’s gone for a real long time real long time so long the fact that Iceberg

Got a little worried but then suddenly she came back hold on [ย __ย ] where’s the briefcase she said I didn’t get his daddy he’s putting me didn’t get a briefcase [ย __ย ] what’s wrong with you she said I did everything you said but but that man don’t look right something wrong Daddy what do you

Mean something’s wrong [ย __ย ] did you put that stuff in this drink she said I did everything you said Daddy I put all of it in his drink he said wait a minute [ย __ย ] wait a minute you put all of it in the striker now he had to see for himself

Two of them go across the street to the motel they go in the room number seven and on the bed laying lifelessly is the white man that she was supposed to [ย __ย ] it’s a nice person you right [ย __ย ] she don’t look good what the [ย __ย ]

So we call it a friend of his that was a doctor that was close by and the doctor came in gave the guy a thorough examination and told them both what was obvious slim this [ย __ย ] is dead oh god daddy oh no oh no we killed him

He said calm down [ย __ย ] we didn’t do anything he reached on the bed and grabbed the briefcase he popped it open it’s filled with money more money than anyone ever seen took a little bit of the money and gave it to the doctor and the doctor left discreetly

All right [ย __ย ] let me think I can fix this for you I know somebody I can go but if I call him I’m gonna hold these [ย __ย ] a big favor oh god daddy please I don’t want to go to jail neither do I have [ย __ย ] so you shut up

And pick up the phone she heard a mumble in the phone a little bit he hung up the phone and she was pacing the room and he was just standing there cool and they were waiting and they were waiting and suddenly A van pulled up downstairs two guys get out

With a carpet they walk upstairs they roll that carpet out on the floor they throw the body in the carpet they roll that [ย __ย ] up like a burrito they picked that [ย __ย ] up and they throw it in the back of the van and come back up and Iceberg opens a

Briefcase again and gives them a little money he says I’ll get in touch with you guys later they say you’re not gonna get in touch with us at all we’ll find you he said whatever [ย __ย ] and they bounced oh god daddy oh God it’s just relaxed [ย __ย ] listen we’re getting the [ย __ย ] out

Of here you go downstairs you get the car but you had to leave separately she when she got the car Iceberg grabbed that briefcase waited a few minutes looked out the window and then he went down with her they both got in the car and they drove off she was a blubbering

Mess oh He said I told you [ย __ย ] we didn’t do didn’t do a [ย __ย ] and I cleaned him up and now we got us a secret okay I know I’m not gonna tell [ย __ย ] it’s you oh no I ain’t gonna tell he’s all right baby go I’m gonna need

You to stay with me for a while after this [ย __ย ] cools down she goes okay okay okay that’s the game that’s how the whole [ย __ย ] Works ladies you understand this [ย __ย ] was at the end of a mileage she was at 498 she ended up tricking for Iceberg for another six

Months she must attend another 200 tricks for him do you understand some cold [ย __ย ] and the code [ย __ย ] about it is that the dead guy on the bed wasn’t even dead at all this [ย __ย ] was just a friend of icebergs acting like he’s asleep the doctor went doctor was [ย __ย ]

Butcher that happened to have a white coat and the dudes who came in the moving van clothes was dressed like movers because they were movers Iceberg had gotten a new apartment and the bag of money was iceberg’s money in the first place the money he got from all those women

That’s a cold game that’s the [ย __ย ] capitalist Manifesto and that’s why I went to South Africa so now we got us a little secret [ย __ย ]

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48 Comments

  1. ๐ƒ๐š๐ฏ๐ž ๐‚๐ก๐š๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ž๐ฅ๐ฅ๐ž – 30 Minutes of Dave Chappelle

    https://youtu.be/1ARoiVRk4Jo

    ๐ƒ๐š๐ฏ๐ž ๐‚๐ก๐š๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ž๐ฅ๐ฅ๐ž – For What It's Worth – Part 1/4

    https://youtu.be/G0_QViSuR80

    ๐ƒ๐š๐ฏ๐ž ๐‚๐ก๐š๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ž๐ฅ๐ฅ๐ž – For What It's Worth – Part 2/4

    https://youtu.be/YMVCSsjfFbg

    ๐ƒ๐š๐ฏ๐ž ๐‚๐ก๐š๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ž๐ฅ๐ฅ๐ž – For What It's Worth – Part 3/4

    https://youtu.be/mkTtJKMYGQY

    ๐ƒ๐š๐ฏ๐ž ๐‚๐ก๐š๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ž๐ฅ๐ฅ๐ž – For What It's Worth – Part 4/4

    https://youtu.be/ksm8kvQk63I

    ๐ƒ๐š๐ฏ๐ž ๐‚๐ก๐š๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ž๐ฅ๐ฅ๐ž – Killin' Them Softly – Part.1

    https://youtu.be/2Xluz1xshd8

    ๐ƒ๐š๐ฏ๐ž ๐‚๐ก๐š๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ž๐ฅ๐ฅ๐ž – Acceptance Speech Mark Twain Prize

    https://youtu.be/lCy1vYlRV-Y

    ๐ƒ๐š๐ฏ๐ž ๐‚๐ก๐š๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ž๐ฅ๐ฅ๐ž – On Will Smith & Chris Rock Oscar Slap

    https://youtu.be/rEBPir9cmcg

    ๐ƒ๐š๐ฏ๐ž ๐‚๐ก๐š๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ž๐ฅ๐ฅ๐ž – On US Politics – Comedy Specials – Part 1

    https://youtu.be/dQYT765Ljog

    ๐ƒ๐š๐ฏ๐ž ๐‚๐ก๐š๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ž๐ฅ๐ฅ๐ž – " Comic Strip Live " (25/09/23) ( BETTER AUDIO )

    https://youtu.be/UCsRbU6uhVU

    Reply
  2. what a great mind. long life Chappelle's

    Reply
  3. Is it me or do I see a white avatar type strip on Dave's head

    Reply
  4. Preach…yes…

    Reply
  5. Dave Chappelle You're A Hero. A King ๐Ÿ‘‘

    Reply
  6. Engaging engagement algorithm algorithm. Commenting is tipping your tuber ๐Ÿดโ€โ˜ ๏ธ

    Reply
  7. Dave is not just a comedic genius. Heโ€™s not only thoughtful. He is diligent and studious. Thatโ€™s the hard thing that many can do, but donโ€™t.

    Reply
  8. That was beautiful.

    Reply
  9. I saw Louis CK for less than 100 dollars in Dubuque, Iowa. So in some ways he made my comedy dreams come true.

    Thank you Louis for daring to dream.

    Reply
  10. I love Dave and I enjoy his perspective but he's wrong about Colin Kaepernick. He was not at the top of his game, he was on the verge of losing his job. He won and lost that QB job and then quit before they released him. The reason I believe Kap was a showboat was the mother effing Betsy Ross shoe. After he left SF, he got a big virtue signaling contract from Nike. Now maybe Kap sold a lot of shoes and maybe he didn't. But regardless, he took personal offense at the Betsy Ross flag being on a new patriotic shoe. He called it racist and publicly protested those dahm shoes. And if being triggered by kneeling is dumb (and I admit Dave's right about that), being triggered by a Revolutionary War flag on a stupid shoe is dumber. Well, Colin got his wish and those shoes were cancelled. Here's the thing…. I wanted a pair of those frigging shoes!!! I thought they looked cool. But nah, because Colin was a p*ssy, I never got the chance.

    Reply
  11. โ€œSomething something Barack Obama ๐Ÿคฃโ€

    Reply
  12. Ohhh ur in Los Angeles? What a shit hole. California is done.

    Reply
  13. Yes. Stand up for the flag. If you can find a better country to go to, then leave. America ended slavery very quickly. There is much more slavery across the world today than 200 years ago.

    Reply
  14. If you blow someone for a movie role you ainโ€™t a victim you a hoe.

    Reply
  15. The brittle spirit of white people being broken by black people kneeling during the National Anthem while black people have endured every cruelty imaginable in America. The Superbowl would burst many a blood vessel while drinking Coors Light (cause Bud Light is too gay! ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ) Talk about brittle spirits. Thank you, Dave. โค๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ

    Reply
  16. I just saw him in Portland last night and he was funny but his three opening acts were patently disgusting.
    all females were b******and it was nothing but how they can f the B's.
    it was disgusting.

    Reply
  17. It hasnโ€™t even fully come on and Iโ€™m on the floor lmaoooo

    Reply
  18. Here are your flowers Dave๐Ÿ’

    Reply
  19. Damn shame we get our news from comedians and our comedy from reporters. Canโ€™t make this up.

    Reply
  20. Dave…one of the reasons that I got XM radio, is so that I could listen to you on the way to work. Now I never hear you. I gave up XM radio.

    Reply
  21. ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅ

    Reply
  22. ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅ

    Reply
  23. Ay Dave If you ever see this thank you. Thatโ€™s it.. thanks for game my guy and stay blessed

    Reply
  24. Complimenting #Jehovah on his Instruction manual for planet Earth, by bearing the names of my first followers (and fishers of men) like @DaveChappelle who go the extra mile because they understand what FREE WILL means, if I may ALSO say so myself @TuckerCarlson @DrJordanPeterson @OMGTheWhyFiles and the biggest compliment of my life to @elonmusk and my Wheelchair Therapist Ronnie Johnson (who thought I was a comedian ๐Ÿฅฒ) who I met one Saturday that had the time to sit with me in my backyard, as I smoked cigarettes and we talked about God and our love of the"Bible." It turns out that THAT was exactly I also wanted to do that day. ๐Ÿ˜˜

    Reply
  25. When a comic just edicatied us all on how we are basically just all a bitch…

    Reply
  26. dont always agree with Dave, but i can always at least listen.

    Reply
  27. King โค

    Reply
  28. Glad to be alive to witness all that is, the legendary, Dave Chappelle. I read that book โ€œPimpโ€ and the book is very hard to understand without the glossary of terms. But once you understand the lingo, your invited into a world that is unforgettable. Long live Dave Chappelle.

    Reply
  29. 7 minutes in… Haven't laughed… (Insert your joke)… Let's see how this ends.

    Reply
  30. ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅ

    Reply
  31. Damn, sounds like my life homes

    Reply
  32. However it would be nice who you laughing about here nigga

    Reply
  33. ะคะฐะบ ะดัะผ ะฝั‹ะณะณะฐะท

    Reply
  34. 5:50 Dave Brother with a Big B! Lov3d you since high school man, not gay shit, real shit lol. But that's ๐Ÿ’ฏ % man… gay dude fucking molested me I had no one to tell. Dude was in his 40s… inwas a teen bro. Would you despise a generation of degenerates everyday figuring out if they had a fucked up chromosome? You gay, stay in your fucking circle and stop running around rainbows ๐ŸŒˆ showing kids ding dongs on the street.

    Reply
  35. โ€œNot funny,โ€ said everyone who hates to laugh. ๐Ÿ˜‚ ๐Ÿ‘Š๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿฝ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿค˜๐Ÿง‚๐Ÿค˜

    Reply
  36. The South Africa stuff kind of stings. Iโ€™ve got two friends from Africa who recently visited home with a stopover in SA and decided to make a couple days of it. They were in danger the whole time. South Africaโ€™s everything Chappelle said it wasnโ€™t and itโ€™s more dangerous for blacks than for whites even in black neighborhoods.

    Also, Kaepernick was a washed up backup when he started kneeling. He made more money kneeling than playing so he decided to sell out. Heโ€™s the exact opposite of Chappelle. If you want to support black players that got screwed by the system look at guys like Adrian Peterson, treated as guilty even after being proven innocent.

    Reply
  37. LEGEND!!!!

    Reply
  38. Boy! That comment about S Africa hasnโ€™t aged well.

    Reply
  39. FAKE CHAPPELLE!!

    Reply
  40. Please sing the greatness of the American black man but not with obama as the pinnacle hell I wouldnโ€™t put him in front of westley snipes far behind actually just a bit ahead of donlemon but then who isnโ€™t.

    Reply
  41. I don't think this is His last stand up ๐Ÿ˜ฎ

    Reply
  42. My guy has been working out good to see him healthy and funnier than ever

    Reply
  43. Deep I wonder how many people got caught up with the story, and didnโ€™t realize that was just a common scenario that he lived to tell us and hopefully it will help us

    Reply
  44. Bunch of haters watching and not liking. Should have at least 100k likes. 1.3% is haterade

    Reply
  45. So Dave went to South Africa so he wouldnt be pushed over his milage limit?

    Reply
  46. Fckn awesome Dave!! You the King man. Aint no fckn body take us thru a journey like you! ๐Ÿ’ฏ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ Luv from NZ! Where is Ja??

    Reply
  47. The Goat

    Reply
  48. The goat of comedy storytelling

    Reply

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